Bloomberg Businessweek recently reported that Facebook will hit the 1 billion user mark later this year, but sources familiar with the Menlo Park-based social network told Satire Club that Mark Zuckerberg has his eyes on a much bigger prize.
“The bar is currently set at 100 billion users,” said the source, who requested anonymity. “Trees, desks, birds, that mole on your back. Facebook is about to put a face on everything.”
Companies such as Coca-Cola, whose page has over 45 million “Likes,” enjoy the exposure Facebook provides with its product and app pages, but as competitors like Twitter and Google+ slowly muscle its way in to social media royal rumble, The Zuck can no longer afford to be picky about who or what exactly qualifies as a person.
“People, dirt, staples, water, farts. What’s the difference?” the source asked rhetorically. “Sometimes I feel like my friends are stupider than farts. I would honestly rather know what my friend Steve’s lip hair is up to because, unlike Steve, his lip hair isn’t clogging up my news feed all night.”
Facebook expects a slow click-through rate on ads as new users such as mosquitoes and Herpes sign up for the service, but hopes to turn its shoddy ROI around with the right personalized targeting.
“I imagine it is going to be pretty hard for the desert to ignore those tempting Fiji water ads forever.”
